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The CCTV Camera Starts Recording Your Impotent Rage

funny graphs - Smile! You're on Candid Camera!

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» 27 TPS Reports

  1. jed says:

    because of laws for the handicapped legally those butoons are disabled for all but emergency personel who have a key to make them work

    • Skyfire says:

      [Citation Needed]

      Personally, elevator doors close within 5 seconds of me pushing the button around 90% of the time.

      Now the crosswalk button, those don’t work _at all_.

      • Time Kitten says:

        Here, while the lights are on a timer so if you are cruising through at 25 mph, you hit all green lights after waiting at the first only, the older buttons do make the white crossing guy actually light up, and the newer ones activate the blind people beep.

      • Laura says:

        Actually, there was a feature in the New Yorker on elevators that said that the buttons didn’t actually work.

      • Nessie says:

        I think that the crosswalk button is to keep you entertained by pressing it until it turns into walk ten minutes later…

    • A Random Pooka says:

      No they aren’t. The key only operates the fire emergency summon button.

  2. Robby says:

    This isn’t true in Hong Kong however. There are some elevators there that close as soon as you hit the button, and some with surprising speed. As in fear for the safety of your limbs fast.

  3. HUH says:

    Not true – It closes everywhere but in Usa …

  4. Jochen says:

    i bet those buttons don’t have a contact to any electronics.

    • Aramaki says:

      They do have…to the red LED which makes the frame around the button light up as long as you press it. Of course only in elevators with lighted buttons.

  5. Dr. Optigan says:

    When I was in college, one of the older buildings had an ancient elevator whose Door Close button definitely worked. Press that button, and the single door would slam shut in a matter of seconds no matter how long you’d been in there. Said door also had a mechanical obstruction detector rather than the optical type used nowadays; it wasn’t very sensitive, and I almost got my foot stuck in the door trying to catch the thing one day…

  6. Lol they see me trolling says:

    Older Elevators Still make use of the button, At an office I actually used it since the elevator took like 10 seconds to start closing. But everywhere else, they do nothing

  7. Stan says:

    Ha ha, spot the New Yorker. In the rest of the world, elevator door buttons and crosswalk buttons are actually connected and do something…

  8. Jen says:

    Don’t know about the US, but here we have integrated Open/Close buttons in every lift. Re-Opening doors that are closing works fine, but closing usually work.

    I prefer sticking my arm in the door to re-open though. When a nice guy comes around and nearly misses the lift, just pressing a button seems much wimpier…

  9. tincan says:

    hm, the elevator’s close button certainly works at the hospital I work at… The door closes within 1 second after I press it lol. And no I’m not from US.

    Also, re: pedestrian buttons, a lot of them in the area I live in do work. It is because the traffic light for the major street will always stay green unless someone who needs to cross the minor street press the button, then the traffic light for the major street will turn red for the pedestrian/car to cross.

    • bobbeh beel says:

      well that would be because its a hospital, it would be imperative to keep speed as a basic necessity. now, office elevators on the other hand, take forever to close.

  10. Smile Island says:

    They always work here (in Canada) if you push and hold them, but the elevator has a sensor in it so the door opens back up if something gets in the way.

  11. THE GAME says:

    i live near atlanta and i find that they frequently work. not the crosswalk ones however.

    just they are slow. but hit the door open button beforehand and then hit door close

  12. Travis says:

    Actually, if you hold down the close door button and the button for your floor until the elevator begins moving the elevator will go directly to your floor regardless of whether or not other people have stops before yours.

  13. DonElevatori says:

    If you press the ‘door close’ button at the same time as the button for floor you want the lift goes straight to that floor without stopping to take on any other passengers. The police use this in emergencies to go straight to the correct floor.

    • Captain Falcon says:

      I’ve tried it and it worked.
      You have to push the close button und hold it until the elevator starts moving, though.

  14. Me says:

    It needs another, small part of the pie titles “squishes old lady in door”.

  15. Radien says:

    I am 99% sure those buttons only operate when the fire emergency key is inserted.

    At my local community college they actually had someone operating the elevator during construction. He had the fire key and it would give him access to all floors and made the doors open and close only when prompted.

    Firemen need open and close buttons because they don’t have time to wait for it to automatically open/close. The reason the doors often close after you press the button is because they were about to close anyway. That’s why there’s a several-second delay.

    If the button worked, it would have closed immediately. I have been on elevators that did have functioning open/close buttons — long ago — and they operated very quickly. Either fire code or disability regulations probably doesn’t disallows this now.

    Anyway, I didn’t laugh at this graph because the close button isn’t supposed to respond when you press it.

  16. Catty says:

    Huh. I’m in the USA and the only elevator I ever use closes as soon as I push the button. It closes slowly, but it starts immediately…

  17. :D says:

    They’re there to make the elevator look high tech and confusing and to even out the number of buttons.


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