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What black holes do according to the movies

funny graphs and charts

What black holes do according to the movies

Graph by: ExaltedRage05 via Graph Jam Builder

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» 34 TPS Reports

  1. Razle says:

    if only hollywood physics were real…

    • Harry says:

      You DO travel faster through time when past the horizon of a black hole when compared to people outside the horizon. The graph is wrong- both things happen.

      • forge says:

        Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll no. You don’t travel faster than light; if you reach the speed of light you become light. It’s not really possible in regular ordinary physics to travel faster than light. There are special cases though.

        • Adam says:

          It is impossible to accelerate any mass fully to the speed of light. It would require an infinite amount of energy.

          The faster your velocity through space, the slower you experience time, and hence time passes more quickly for stationary observers than for the person traveling at nearly the speed of light.

          • Adam says:

            For example, if you traveled at 99.96% the speed of light for four years, a staggering 141.4 years would have passed for stationary observers. In other words, you would only age four years while your family would have been long dead for about 50-60 years.

            • Nessie says:

              You all fail. When you reach the event horizon of a black hole all time stops for you and eternety passes in the rest of the universe. Then you get killed.

  2. OMG says:

    How this graph lacks content.

  3. Razle says:

    in fact, you’d get squished much smaller than an atom. smaller even than a quark. essentially, you would no longer exist in the form of recognizable matter.

    • Eric says:

      Actually, according to Hawking, with his revised theories, black holes are not destructive as previously thought because the information is preserved within the other dimensions that have been postulated using mathematics, where the black hole does not exist. The center of the black hole is actually quite calm, but sadly, it’s the event horizon that will get you every time. So, it gets destroyed, but it really doesn’t. I know, it sounds like complete crap. Reminds me of a tornado. It’s not the tornado itself that will kill you, but all of the stuff it picks up and slings at you.

    • Harry says:

      Wrong. You wouldn’t be crushed smaller than your individual elementary particles, because that would necessitate the destruction of information thereby making Hawking radiation impossible. You’d still exist as matter- EVERYTHING is matter.

    • forge says:

      Um yeah no. You can’t actually get matter to compress like that.

  4. KenderJ says:

    … it would hurt.

  5. biff says:

    Who was that guy who said black holes could cause time travel? What was his name? I’ll think of it in a minute.

    Of course, it is only time travel into the future, not into the past, but it is time travel. What was his name?

    Oh yeah, I remember, it was Albert Einstein.

    • Churj says:

      Yeah, but what Einstein was talking about isn’t the type of time travel you’re thinking of. One of the curiosities of relativity is that time can “stretch” and such, so essentially as you approach the event horizon everything slows down drastically for you. In other words, several seconds will pass for you and many centuries and millenia will pass in the rest of the universe.

      • Erik the Dude says:

        Yeh, but it’s still excepted as a form of time travel, the same as traveling at a high velocity for an extended period of time. When an astronaut spends one year orbiting the Earth in a shuttle, (s)he is said to have traveled about a second into the future because slightly less time passed on the ship.
        Still, the trouble is surviving that trip across the event horizon and the impending spaghettification. Sci-fi movies conveniently remove that issue to answer the question: “What if we could?” It’s not much different than Picasso’s abstract art being inspired by the question: “What if we could see in more than three dimensions?” That’s the problem with the universe, it keeps throwing out these seemingly immovable obstacles. We use art to postulate on what might happen if we did move them and make it accessible to the masses.

    • forge says:

      For whatever value of “time travel” you might like. “Just chill out here while the rest of the universe ages itself out of existence” is time travel after a fashion I guess.

  6. Dark E. Nig-uh says:

    RACIST!!!!!!!

  7. Igetsabby says:

    They’re still just a theory so I like to imagine they’re wormholes.

    • Ant says:

      Gravity is still just a theory too.

      • Igetsabby says:

        I like to imagine that there are invisible fairies holding everything to the earth… But seriously, the law of Gravity?
        Maybe you were thinking of less tangible theories like the theory of evolution and the theory of global warming.

      • tommy says:

        Thanks for that golden tidbit of knowledge. Wait, put down your tarantula — I think your mom’s calling.

  8. Totally not a geek says:

    Or, according to Rush, Greek mythology!

  9. tech news says:

    ho, ho,, ho
    be painful.

  10. ExaltedRage05 says:

    For those of you flexing your physics muscles – yes, it isn’t entirely accurate, and there’s a ton of cool ideas out there by very good physicists on what black holes can or can’t do, but please try to keep in mind that the point of the graph is to be funny, not scientifically accurate.

  11. Elfinugget says:

    …. forgot “Slingshot”…. Which is of course a totally new and undocumented maneuver in every pilot episode….


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