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Wait, ‘Actual’? Based on what?
And much of the plot of Dracula was based on fact that he could come back again and again for Mina.
Yeah, somebody obviously hasn’t read Dracula.
That’s what I thought when I read this, I just read dracula last month, this isn’t very accurate.
It’s probably not accurate because VAMPIRES AREN’T REAL. It doesn’t matter if it’s not consistent with Dracula, that wasn’t even the first vampire novel.
Yeah, I’m not sure where the OP got the idea that vampires only attack once.
I think he’s going with a “Lost Boys” approach
Screw his “approach”. Again, what ACTUAL vampire attacks??
I guess the OP must have inferred that a vampire Either turns his victim, or kills them…
Vampire legends had been around long before Dracula. Dracula is a story based on the legend of the vampire, not the source of the legends.
Do some research in to the actual vampire legends instead of the vampires of popular books.
Yes, because seeing as how vampires are totally real, Stephenie Meyer and Bram Stoker both are obviously idiots for their creative use of a fantastical creature and lack of “research” of the “source of the legend”.
I am dead now.
**Actual** Vampire Attacks: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Apparently “Twilight” has affected somebody more than they want to admit.
I’m thinking that’s the joke here. This person has been, sadly, attacked by a Twifan and is exhibiting the aforementioned effects to his sanity and general sense of reality.
I think Twilight has affected people who whine about it on the internet more than the actual twilight fans.
THANK YOU.
Most of the time, the flamers are WORSE than the fans. The flamers are such hypocritical bastards.
Plus, those attacks? Yeah, most of them, the whiny little haters start them up.
My friend is a twilight fan, and she’s ashamed of the twilight rabid fans.
I’m a twilight hater, and I’m ashamed of the other haters.
I agree even though I am a Twilight fan.
Well, I’m not going to lie, I’ve seen a lot of sane fans too.
And a lot of insane haters.
That said, I read Twilight and I’m not impressed. It’s not terrible, but I don’t feel that it merits the kind of attention it has.
Have you ever considered getting a life? Because going out of your way to hate something as inconsequential as a series of books…. strikes of verging insanity!
“…strikes of verging insanity!”
Ironically, that’s what the series pretty much is.
The word “flamer” doesn’t mean what you think it means…
you’re amazing. i couldn’t agree more. <3
you havent been to my school. there are girls who litterally can only think and talk about twilight. this chart is entirely true and scientific
i assume you mean vampire folklore vs. twilight.
IN which case I’d have to say folklore, twilight is gay… it just is
Best non-douche vampire movies are, entire blade series and underworld series
TWILIGHT BLOWS
Underworld – oooooh Seline can bite me anytime
HELL YEA
I hear that.
In my opinion flaming twilight is just as horrid as twilight itself, so please cut this useless anti-twilight crap. You’ve already wasted way too much time on it judging by this graph.
How do you feel about flaming people who flame twilight? Isn’t that waste of time as well? (And yes, it could be said that flaming people who flame people who flame people…. but you get the idea).
“Likelyhood of recurrent attacks=0″ Apparently haz not read “Dracula”
Ditto.
As much I as I do not like Twilight. Can we stop with the Anti-Twilight graphs? They are getting very, very, very, very old.
Don’t worry – they’ll die off in around four weeks. Then, when New Moon comes out on DVD, they’ll be back for two/three weeks. Then it’s free and clear until Eclipse is released…..
WIN.
Vampires don’t exist at all. Chart fail. Not even funny.
FAIL for the “actual” vampire attack “statistics”. Poorly done.
Um, you know that vampires aren’t *real*, right? If not, I’ve got some meds that can help…
I think I would rather get attacked by a vampire if they existed ha ha
i know women in there 50′s who think Edward is a gift from god to women…as well as teenagers…I got chewed out the other day at a book store cause i said i was not interested in reading the book.
You got chewed out?
Man, I wish a Twi-tard tried to chew me out. So much fun could be had. I’d love to see their faces when I tell them that I prefer my vampires to not be sparkly, cuckolded, pussified wimps.
I wish I knew that my Friday night was going to be free ahead of time. I would have loved to go to the theaters just to walk around and bash Twilight loudly in the lobby. And maybe even pay just to bash it during the actual movie.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. You are SO funny. Seriously, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.
Why did you think your Friday was going to be occupied? No person, Twilight fan or not, would want to hang out with a rude, uneducated pig like yourself.
hehe, the only thing i would camp overnight in front of a building with a zillion over nuts is for a WIERD AL CONCERT!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee
<– camped 2 days for Pink Floyd tickets to see The Wall in Los Angeles, in 80.
I guess I must’ve been a one-in-a-million miracle! I recovered from said attack.
I hate this. Too much crap. Also, all Twilight submissions will receive a bad rating from me. There are other topics, jackasses!
As much I agree with you, why shoot the messenger?
Or, more appropriately, why shoot the messenger, when you can shoot the person who sent THEM? I.E., it’s about time to go PWNing Twi-hards.
Want some cheese with your wine?
I luv the bashing, Bash twi-tards, politics, religion… sex… and weeeeeee. though Gaga is a bit of a ‘BarfBarf’ nowadays :/
Umm. I hate to burst subby’s bubble, but there aren’t “actual” vampires.
I’m surprised that I’m the first one here to point out that vampires aren’t real.
And it’s a Belgian flag.
I contacted the department of health and human services as well as corrections in my state as well as the center for disease control, and none of them would give me any statistics on vampire attacks or their victims and my calls kept getting dropped.
So I guess I don’t really have data with which to argue against this graph. *shrug*
Just kidding. I don’t prank call.
Newsflash for those who think that “actual vampires” don’t exist: There are groups of people all over the world who have adopted a lifestyle and spirituality referred to as “Vampirism.” Among other things, they avoid light and drink blood for their main form of sustenance. It’s an incredibly idiotic way of life, since most of them have problems with vitamin D deficiencies and malnutrition but, they do exist. And yes, I realize that they aren’t the exact creatures of folklore, but their existence is nonetheless a fact.
They’re either called “canibals” or “hemophagiacs.”
So you are classing people who pretend to be vampires as actual vampires? Does that mean if I walk around with long hair, a beard and talk about peace and love I am actually the son of god? (Cause that would look great on my CV!)
I don’t think those are the people in this graph, whereupon a notable symptom after being attacked by one (once) is that you now avoid sunlight and attack people. Ergo, you’re an idiot.
i have seen twillight – it made me lose 3 sanity points … and 8 €
I agree with you!!!!
You, sir, WIN at life
If you are going to compare two things, you should compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges, not apples to oranges.
What I’m saying is, either compare Twilight fans to other fiction vampire fans OR compare Twilight vampire attacks to other fictional vampire attacks, NOT Twilight fans to other vampire attacks.
I think that was kind of the joke–Twilight itself, the franchise, affects its fans so severely that they can be compared to the victims of vampire attacks. Clever idea, but hard to convey clearly and even harder to make funny.
the fact that people actually like this rubbish makes me want to scream. My best friend is obsessed and it bugs me. But then my obsessions with Queen, Top Gear and Discworld probably bug her. ROCK ON!
Well she sucks, because Queen, Top Gear, and Discworld can kick Twilight into next year.
Some say that his knees bend both ways,
others, that he sees the world as slowly falling green numbers…
All we know, is he’s called….The STIG!
Rincewood knew how to say MERCY!! in 17 languages, and HELP!! in an additional 27.
Just one problem with the graph: the “Victims of Actual Vampire Attacks” part… there are no victims of actual vampire attacks, because vampires don’t exist.
Come on – you know that they aren’t real, that they are just stories made up from people who have either encountered strange, unexplained things in the past, or just wanted an excuse for their behaviour that wouldn’t land them in jail.
And the same can be said about vampires too.
Has anyone pointed out yet that there’s no such thing as actual vampires? Maybe I should read some of the other comments before I post. Eh, probably not.
It’s been pointed out several times, actually.
But mocking people who have nothing better to do with their time than point out how much they hate a series of books that (I am assuming) they either haven’t read, or read voluntarily (because as far as I know it is not yet a legal requirement to read Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn in any country on Earth) is always a good idea!
Fear not! I understand what is going on here.
The author of the chart IS a Twilight fan.
How do I know this? Simple. The author believes there are “actual” vampire attacks. This means the author has an aversion to reality, the very symptom described under the Twilight Fan column.
The poor, delusional bastard is so averse to reality that he or she doesn’t even know they’re are a Twilight Fan.
The word ACTUAL worries me. Do you mean Twilight vampires compared to other vampires? everything is just imagination so why do people care so much????
When I went to see New Moon, my friend and I started a chant. Whenever Edward Cullen came on, we started yelling “Asswipe! Asswipe!” Needless to say, about half the theatre joined in. IMMD.
Holy crap… that’s the most win instance of anything ever. I wish I had been there to join in the chant. XD
I wonder so badly why you went to the movie in the first place, if Edward is such an “asswipe”. Seems like it’s a lot of money to waste just to make fun of a fictional character.
Nobody in a movie theater cares about your opinion of anything EVER (not just twilight crap). Do you not have anything else going on in your life so you waste money to see a movie you don’t even like just to annoy other moviegoers? Stop. Just please stop. End it now. Remember it’s down the river, not across.
roflol. i used to be a rabid Twilight fangirl…like, my friend and i would fill pages of paper with memorized Twilight quotes at lunch. ohhhh god…..i never want to go back to the person i was then…. though it got me hooked on vampires, let me tell ya that no vampire should ever sparkle. it’s just WRONG. not. scary. I still watch Twilight, just to laugh at it. no, really. I’d call Edward a gay-wad…but that’s such an insult to all the gay people in the world, who i have nothing against. and, anyone considering going to see New Moon in theater? yeah, it’s great to laugh at, since half the time Bella’s hallucinating that she sees and hears Eddy-pie bein’ all like, “no, bella, don’t jump off a cliff, you idiot”, and then going and doing more dangerous stuff just to hallucinate again. and the special effects for the werewolves are awesome. but if you’re looking for a good movie….you won’t find it there. and if there’s two 40-year-old ladies sitting in front of you, you and your friends should prob’ly try not to constantly make fun of everything in in the movie, unless ya wanna get yelled at by said 40-year-old ladies. ….yeah -Sunny-
so you just wasted your money to pay for a movie you hate. that’s pretty stupid of you.
Sunny is just rabid.
Guys, why do you care so much either way? They’re just films and books. Watch/read them if you want to, don’t if you don’t. It’s fairly simple.
THANK YOU. Finally, at least one sane person has made themselves known on this site. Now, go out and do likewise on every other website that has so much as mentioned the word “Twilight”, so maybe people will start to figure it out.
I giggled. “Actual vampires” being Dracula/Anne Rice fits….
And as for twilight, I have moderate hateraid, but not enough to join communities against it or spend time actively being anti twilight.
If someone does bring it up, I will mention that I *have* read the books and that they are 1)badly written 2) not good for teenage girls (when has stalking/peering into a girl’s bedroom at night/wanting to consume her/telling a girl that he didn’t know what she’d do without him ever been hot? That and Bella trying to kill herself because she’s not with him… and then be killed to *be* with him is not healthy) 3) it’s completely unoriginal aside from the fact the vampires sparkle…
At any rate, lolsy chart.
Actually, I recovered from being a twilight fan when HP6 came out. I don’t even know what I was thinkin before…