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Chances of an Athiest believing in God
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Sorry Steven but I think this needs to be posted at the top.
Everyone, this is a joke site.
If you find it funny, laugh.
If you don’t find it funny, don’t laugh.
If you find it offensive, post respectfully. You are not the only group that gets picked on anymore.
People will take a comment more seriously if you are not calling people names and not putting up straw men.
I’m an athiestr, and I LOLed.
^atheist
nuther atheist heer dat lol’d
I’m another athiest that lol’d. I’m even athier than the others!
Another Atheist here. The graph is true btw. lol
Another athiest that lol’d
The graph is very true 
I’m also an athiest… And this graph shows my religious life…
straw men? somone knows about debating.
PS: Im a christian, and i LOLed
I hate religion with a passion, and I am probably athier than most people here, and this is one of my favorite graphs of all time.
same here =D
my opinion of this comment board is mirrored by episode 1 of this series. http://www.mrdeity.com/
this is pretty offensive
You left out Prison …lol
cuz atheists don’t go to prison. Well, about 0.2% of prisoners.
FYI, the point of being atheist is that you NEVER believe in god you idiot. Fail, and double fail. Not even for sporting events, and DEFINITELY not christmas…
wow touchy. What can’t someone make fun of your belief structure and ti be funny cause something tells me you do it for others.
LOL! AGREED!
Religitards like to make it seem like atheism is a fad or a transient “belief system” that is easily abandoned when a situation becomes stressful. They like to think atheists will give up and pray to an imaginary sky wizard when the going gets tough, because it makes them feel better about their own irrational beliefs.
While there are some fair-weather atheists, there are also fair-weather religious folk who will believe when the perceived benefits might suit their needs. This is just like being a fair-weather fan of, say, the New England Patriots before they committed their epic fail last winter.
A true atheist would never believe in any sort of god for any reason. Anything less would be agnosticism. To make a graph like this one suggests the graph’s creator either knows nothing about atheism, or is insecure about their own beliefs.
i love it when atheists get all pissy about their beliefs.
Actually, it’s lack of beliefs. And it drives me nuts when they do it, especially because I’m an atheist myself and don’t see a point in screwing with the Jesus Krispies because of what they believe and how it’s all a bunch of stories (in my opinion, at least).
As for the sports thing, I can attest to the fact that I will curse God or praise Him/Her depending on how my team is doing. It doesn’t denote belief; I come from a Catholic family and God is just about every other word. So, when the Giants lost last week and ended their season, I said “God damn it!” But, if they would have won, I’d have likely said, “Thank God!” It’s not always a matter of religion: sometimes, we just have it so ingrained in our heads that it just becomes a word.
By the way, for the “God damn it” portion, see also TV shows that end the episode on a cliff-hanger and make you wait until the following week (e.g., 24, Heroes, Rescue Me, etc.).
Amen my atheist brother
Can’t help but think, “Adam’s an atheist? He mother-frikkin’ TALKED to God.” XD
Yeah. Well how long did it take the people following Moses through the desert to start whining and griping after they followed a pillar of FIRE and saw Moses bring water bursting out of a rock when they were thirsty, crossed through the red sea that was parted for them that then drowned the Egyptians chasing them. But Hey, what has He done for us LATELY??! :-p
As much as atheists say they don’t believe in God, (or gods) there’s a fine line between not believing in, and believing there is not. If you believe there isn’t, that’s still a belief, and more credit than many are willing to give human knowledge. I personally, really, REALLY don’t THINK there’s a god, but I can never be sure. (see wikipedia on proving a negative) so I’m going with agnosticism.
Quite astute. I define my atheism as the belief that the supernatural exists only as a concept within the human mind.
If some being appeared to me right now and proved beyond a doubt that they had created the universe, I would certainly have some questions and perhaps respect for them.
But I would not call them a god or worship them, because the supernatural (by my definition) exists only as an idea. Anything that is proven real is therefore NOT supernatural.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you reach a 7 on Richard Dawkins’ scale.
If by “beliefs” you mean, “lack of belief in supernatural fairy tales”, and by pissy you mean, “Tried to explain what atheism actually means”, then yeah we get kinda pissy.
Don’t you love it when those religiots get all gleeful when we show any sort of emotion about our beliefs? Yet when we say anything about their beliefs it’s off limits?
Can I get an AMEN
(*grin* sorry ..)
Amen!
(*grin* not sorry!!)
.
If they dish it out, they need to be able to take it.
.
I’m an atheist myself, so no calling religion on me, either.
Why do you feel compelled to call us religitards? I don’t think anyone was denigrating your value system or you as a person, or calling you an athietard. It may have come across offensive to you, but I really don’t think it was intended to undermine your fundamental ideology. It’s just an LOL observation that you should consider being honest about in a public forum, since it really does happen. Perhaps not you, personally, but a majority of the populace. I have engaged in public service for many years, and have thus seen all manner of men (women) in crisis situations. Almost everyone, in a stressful situation, will entreat a higher power for assistance.
Don’t be offended. I honestly believe there’s no offense intended here. Just an observation, perhaps erroneous for you, but there are exceptions to all generalizations.
“Religitards” was not a necessary word, however, the assumption that
most atheists give up their personal beliefs in times of crisis is false. This
degrades the ideals of people who do not believe in god, for it is a personal
belief, just as believing in a god is as well. Granted that there are ones
who do call to god, religion, whatever, in times of need, but to generalize
all atheists into this category is an indication that this person feels superior
to those who do not feel the same or believe in the same things as they do.
It is intolerance to those who are different, and is completely unnecessary.
You are annoying and humorless. No wonder God hates you.
You are hateful and I’m sure you feel god loves you, just like most bigots I know.
Have you ever noticed that billions of people have been killed in the name of God, but few have ever died in the name of Satan?
Satan only ever seems to tell people to touch themselves and occasionally be qelious of other people, while God tells you to bring a gun to work and shoot everyone in sight.
Just who is evil here again?
If I had overwhelming evidence of devine power, I would most centainly prefer Satan, he seems like a nice guy…
“qelious”?
seriously?
wow.
Aren’t we pissy? It just means that for some reason, people have a tendency to say “Oh God”, “G-D-it”, or “Thank God!” no matter what religion they belong to. That does not denote any form of religious affiliation. It’s just another way you can be a humorless ass.
It’d be WAY funnier if there was nothing other than “watching sports” and “all the rest of the time”.
At least he had the sense to lay off that “in a foxhole” BS. As a matter of fact, in foxholes, EVERYONE is an atheist. When your life depends on your understanding that you live in the real world, you keep your damned head down, like any sensible person would, no matter how much you rattle on about how “God will protect me” at other times.
Someone else wrote
“Almost everyone, in a stressful situation, will entreat a higher power for assistance”.
If you meant that “almost everyone” to include atheists (and from the context it’s clear that you did), it’s utter nonsense, and one of many illustrations of the fact that religious belief tends to produce blatant, shameless dishonesty. If you really want your religion to be respected, you’re going to need to learn to stop lying about people who don’t share it.
“A true atheist would never believe in any sort of god for any reason.”
Actually a true and honest atheist WOULD begin to believe in God if he or she found a good reason. What you’re arguing for is choosing a position based on what you WANT rather than on reason at all.
Even though I may disagree with them I respect atheists who at least have well thought out arguments for their belief or lack-thereof (some sets get pissy if you call it a belief, others get pissy if you dismiss it as simply lack of belief).
You on the other hand…
Atheism is a lack of belief. Anyone who gets pissy at you for pointing that out is an idiot. It is understandable that people get pissy when you call it a belief, (although it would be more productive if they simply explained your mistake to you). How can “not believing something patently ridiculous” be called a belief? It would be like you accusing me of holding the belief that chocolate is not made of concrete.
That chocolate is not concrete can be measured by direct observation. How can How can the existence or non-existence of god/s be measured and known?
We measure that in common sense. Either you have some and know that there is no god, or you don’t have any and you believe in grandpa-like old men living in the clouds.
What increment does common sense come in because I can’t really see any measurable item there. If you want to prove/disprove something stick to science not your own ideas of what something is.
Ah well, the jokes on all of you when the Giant flying spaghetti monster comes down, and will only save those touched by his noodly apendige.
I’m a Pastafarian! And I find it highly offinsive that you don’t believe the same things I do.
In fact, I feel like mass murder! OH JOY!
Am I insane? Yes, but if you replace spaghetti monster with Jesus and pastafarian with Christian, OF COURSE NOT!
Isn’t it wonderful that Christians complain about their right to a belief system that, by it’s nature, destroys the rights of others?
RAmen, my friend, RAmen.
But you should realize, that in the first I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts, the Great Noodly One says that we shouldn’t murder, steal, etc., so don’t go giving these people the wrong idea about us (they’re kinda crazy).
omg, you said Chocolate! I am a Chocolatist!
Now just one second – atheism is a belief just like theism – it’s just that it’s predicated on a LOT more circumstantial evidence. I KNOW that I believe there is no god (I can’t prove it beyond ALL doubt, that’s all. Some religionists, on the other hand, believe they KNOW there IS a god, despite the utter lack of any tangible evidence.
GraphJam is SERIOUS business you guys!
Sarcasm win!
::SNORE::
Unfortunately, you’ve neglected the minor fact that it ISN’T funny.
I think the poster meant to say, “Chances of an atheist begging God for assistance” rather than “chances of an atheist believeing in God.”
And that, which I have personally witnessed, is full of ironic win.
Despite being an agnostic atheist I have to agree with this statement. However I believe that this is mostly true for those atheists who were raised Christian or with some other faith, and much less for second or third generation atheists. It’s kind of falling back into old patterns of thinking. However I noticed in myself that the frequency and intensity of this decreases over time.
i dont know if i would really call myself atheist. its not that i believe there is no god, its that every bit of religious dogma requires some denial of reality to believe in. for me its more like i dont believe in your god, but i believe in the possibility of some form of very advanced being/beings, or some sort of multidimensional being, or some super consciousness. my beliefs change with the influx of new information, or from looking at old information in a new way. man created god in his own image, and has used that image to shape the world. if questioned why people believe in god, i generally find the answer to be “because” very much like when you try to argue with a child, however there are many religious folk who have a very interesting way of looking at religion and for those people i have respect. i dont care so much what you believe, i care more about why you believe it, and how it causes you to influence the world around you. and quite frankly, most religious teaching seem to be an externalization of the internal forces at work in us. the devil being greed, ignorance and hate, and god being compassion, wisdom, and love
arguing on the internet is just like running in the special olympics
even if u win ur still retarted
QFE
There’s only 1 T in retar_ed.
QFE^2
Not always. Maybe he was a tart once, then lost it, and now he recently became a tart again?
So, in other words, you would worship Cthulhu, with out the whole sacrifice and crazy dancing around a fire pit, right?
win
“And that, which I have personally witnessed, is full of ironic win.”
LOL. Are you people aware that we know when you’re lying?
There’s nothing so revealing as the religious believers’ desperate attempts to convince themselves that everyone secretly believes what they do. You’re obviously scared to death to admit – even to yourself – that this belief system you’ve devoted your life to is in fact simply a set of children’s stories.
You have, in fact, never witness “an atheist begging God for assistance”. Someday you’re going to wish that you hadn’t trashed your reputation, kid.
Okay, first of all, I really doubt that the person who made this graph intended to insult anyone’s beliefs. There’s just a few things I’d like to say– you can either agree or disagree with me; my feelings will not be hurt.
- I do believe that atheism is a type of belief — a belief that there is no God or higher power. I don’t agree with some people’s statements that “Atheism is the polar opposite of believing” — everyone believes something, whether it’s a spiritual matter, whether it’s your opinion on something and you have evidence to back it up, whether you believe you will get paid at the end of the month, whatever.
- To the person who said it was common sense not to believe in God and that there is no scientific evidence to back up the existence of God — that’s where faith comes in. You either have faith or you don’t. And for some of us, common sense indicates that there is a God.
- To Paul, yes, at times I have wondered if my belief system was “simply a set of children’s stories.” I think a lot of believers go through intense periods of doubt. But in each of these experiences, *and again, this is what I believe*, God has shown me, through prayer, help from friends, family and my church when I needed it the most, small but wonderful blessings, and solutions to problems that I had never even considered before.
- Also, I really hate it when some “Christians” do terrible things in the name of God. I think that is the opposite of what Jesus Christ taught us. Unfortunately, I think that the media likes to portray believers as raving lunatics. Fortunately, for the majority of us, that is really not the case at all.
My “comment of the year” award goes to you, Leigh.
I’d like to know when the hell the media depicts christians in a negative light other than when the people are absurdly crazy. Other than that if I ever see anything about religious affiliations being depicted negatively it’s Muslims and Atheists (predominantly).
I agree.
with KaBooM.
KaBooM: you did not notice the graph talks about an *thiest?
Anyway, according to the chart, I can only assume that you belong to the “Arguing with someone” category
How come you can’t type out the entire word”atheist”?
omg ur so dumb if u don’t belive in god then y r u on teh intertube!!!!
Yes because everyone that is on the “intertube” is religious….
This would be one of those moments where you wish natural selection would work faster….
but if god invented the intertube and ur using it then shouldn’t u beleive in the inventer of the techknowledgy ur using?
i meen good greef, u still beleive in natural selection? that has been disproofed for at least 14 or 15 months!!!!1!!
Spelling FAIL
Logic FAIL
Inventor FAIL
Humour FAIL
GTFO
hahahahahah u said speling fail then homour fail and ur to dumb to know that u spelled humur wrong when u were cracking on me for spelling something wrong i cant believe the dumb people taht are on the interweb today
hay dummies do us a favor and get out of the tubes ur blocking all the stuff from getting to my computer faster cause ur too dumb to spell rite!!!!1!!! hahahahahahaha
Fuzzi spelled it correctly for most English speaking countries, troglodyte.
Wow, you’re all getting trolled rather hard. It’s amusing to watch.
Quite so, quite so.
Baited, and switched…
Dummies.
I am spelling using proper English, not “American” spelling. Just because you have no idea how to properly spell, and have changed the spelling of words in your country does not make the rest of the English speakers in the world, especially those in the UK where the language ORIGINATED, incorrect.
Learn to spell or STFU.
I think Troller was joking? Also, American spellings are just as correct as English spellings. Check the Oxford English Dictionary. Any word in the book is fair game and is proper English. Also, if we’re basing the proper spelling of the word on the original spelling of the word, than almost none of today’s spellings are correct – on either side of the pond. Just to give one example, the word “bird” was originally spelled “brid.” Also, because spellings were not standardized in either country until after America’s independence, you cannot claim that non-British spellings are non-standard. And another thing . . . okay, there is no other thing.
i think you are… 13. am i right?
my guess was actually in the 16-25 range. most 13-year-olds (such as myself, haha) aren’t that galactically incapable of, y’know, grasping the building blocks of the english language + the internet. we also aren’t capable of pulling off such a successful troll.
Poe’s Law win.
I would like to see your sources. If they are from some religious site, please keep them to yourself. We would not like to lose any IQ points from reading them, which, if we do read them, will definitely happen.
Also, please learn what grammar is. It is a very important part of every language.
And spelling. Please learn how to spell.
You spend your free time on the computer. If natural selection were to work faster, what makes you think you would be fit enough to survive?
What?
iq fail ur dumber then athiests
Please tell me that you are using LOLspeak and wretched grammar in an attempt to be amusing, and not because you actually believe that a deity created the internet and all its environs. Or, of course that “natural selection” was disproved a little over a year ago. (Natural selection is in quotes to indicate that I am not going to get into a natural selection vs. evolution semantic argument) Although, if you really do believe those things you are espousing, auto-Darwination is not a bad option for you.
Ability to recognise a troll: FAIL
I spotted it, I just could keep myself from feeding it. You’re right. I failed a little there, didn’t I? *ashamed of self*
That’s okay.. we all do it sometimes.
I actually have to confess, and give some props to Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. I had to look up troglodyte in the dictionary.
Keep trolling your more high-class forum (ahem) and you can quickly expand your vocabulary of insults. The exercise can be very edifying.
Are you from Tuscaloosa or something? What’s the matter with you 7r0113rz?
Existence Fail…
Taking the graph too seriously win.
If I make a graph with “chances of being delusional and psychotic” and have two bars, one at 50% saying “mental patient” and the other at 100% saying “religious person”, there’d be a huge uproar because it’d be taken so seriously.
Why can religious folks be offensive, but atheists mustn’t be? (Aside from the fact that religious people are hypocrites? And before you say they aren’t, let’s look at the world’s religions and the world’s wars as an example. “hey, I believe in a fair and kind God who preaches kindness and understanding!” “Hey, so do I ” “Oh yeah, Well, I’ll kill you for that” “No, I’ll kill you!”
Hence the word “Religitard”
Dish it can’t take it comes to mind. Both sides get offensive alot.
What does an atheist yell out during sex? “Oh nothing!”?
Just “Oh” usually.
I yell “Oh Richard Dawkins” but that freaks out my girlfriend.
OMFG ROFLMAO!!!!11!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
And there you go, winning Teh Interwebz
“Oh Gould, Oh Gould!”
Stargate WIN
We actually remember our partners’ names. Buh-ZING!
AHAHA… that comment actually made me chuckle. Touche.
Zarathustra
If you can form complete words you’re doing it wrong.
Actually dimwit (KaBooM) If you are atheist you need to constantly proove there is no God. Therefore continually searching for God.
Not necessarily. I’m an atheist and I don’t try to disprove. You can believe what you wanna and that’s ok.
Only if attacked and wishing to defend one’s beliefs.
Which, granted, happens pretty frequently ..
Why? I mean, do I ask you to disprove the FSM?
this is the part where you got offensive. see don’t go disproving your own point
I do sure love how most Christians tend to overlook these little parts of the Bible that shoot holes in their religion.
well put
Let’s leave out the fact that Stalin (a self-avowed atheist) killed more people (average estimates are around 20 to 30 million) than were killed in all the crusades put together (high estimates are around 3 million). No doubt somebody will say that Stalin wasn’t a true atheist or something like that. This may be true since some people who say they’re atheist turn out to be agnostic. The same is true of Christianity; some (possibly many) who claim to be Christians are not, but only say they are because it’s popular or normal for them. The big difference here is that Stalin was an actual, real-life atheist whereas the perpetrators of the crusades were not Christians; if they were they wouldn’t have been killing people. So don’t go casting aspersions until you do a little research into the past of your own belief system.
Atheism isn’t a belief system, we don’t subscribe to any interpretation nor do we look to any type of leader for an example of how to behave. We aren’t an organisation.
Sure, Stalin killed a lot of people, but he didn’t do it in the name of atheism. Unlike, say, Hitler and the Nazis, who were devout Christians, and killed – what was it – 50 million Russian troops, in addition to 4 million Germans, 2 million British, and all the rest?
Then there’s all your other religious wars and persecutions. Take Northern Ireland and Ireland. Christians on one side, and Christians on the other. So they bombed and shot each other, and pelted 5 year old schoolgirls with stones. Is that what Jesus meant Christians to do? Did he say “peace unto all men, unless they are someone you want to injure”?
And, of course, the Catholic priest’s penchant for pederasty. Even if only 1% of Catholic priests are pedophiles, that’s still what, 2 million pedophiles in one organisation! But the Catholic church surely does good throughout the world, stockpiling vaccinations and supplies for disaster recovery instead of say stockpiling antiquities and art and gold? Oh actually, it doesn’t, it stockpiles art and antiquities and gold, not vaccinations and disaster recovery. But hey, God would approve of greed! Just like Jesus would be happy that Christians celebrate his birthday by committing sins of greed and gluttony.
Of course atheism is a belief.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/belief
Atheism in its purest form is a logical fallacy (see universal negative http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square_of_opposition). The central statement of atheism (“No god exists”) must be qualified in order to turn it into a logical statement (“I believe no god exists”) otherwise you are affirming a universal negative. In the act of qualifying it to make it logically sound, however, it becomes obvious that it’s a belief. Note that this is different than agnosticism which states “I don’t know if a god exists”, which is a logically sound statement.
So no, I’m not demoting it to the level of Christianity, it already is a the level of Christianity and every other belief in the world.
Hmm… believing that a god exists (or, for that matter, does not exist) means not knowing whether a god exist. So according to your logic christian is an agnostic is an atheist.
The point whether you classify atheism as a believe is moot. You technically can, but you cannot derive anything from it. You could categorize me as a strong atoothfairyist, although I have thus far not publicly spoken out against the tooth fairy.
I guess what I try to say is that there are some people feeling strongly about not believing in a god and some who join these discussions out of habit and because they are sometimes intellectually stimulating. For the latter atheism may be a believe, but it is surely not a Believe.
As to Stalin, yes he was an atheist, but he did not kill anybody for it. Nobody ever claimed that being an atheist stops you from being a homicidal maniac (theist sometimes claim that being a theist does, but Hitler is an example for why that can’t be true). I would say that being a skeptic (and you could define that as a subgroup of atheists) makes it less likely to perpetrate genocide, as you are less likely to feel sufficiently strong about anything to start a mass movement that ends up killing every member of whatever group you happen to hate.
There’s a difference between “I don’t believe you” and “I believe you are wrong”
It’s funny that you think you’re in the right because your belief is supposedly more logical.
Hitler wasn’t a Christian. He was probably not an atheist either. His interest in Nietzsche means he was more than likely a Gnostic.
http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/mischedj/ca_hitler.html
http://germanhistory2968.wordpress.com/2007/10/27/hitler-as-a-student-of-schopenhauer-and-nietzsche/
“Sure, Stalin killed a lot of people, but he didn’t do it in the name of atheism.”
WTF??? He killed people and instituted a government that kills people just for NOT being an atheist? How is that any more tolerant than a system that blows people up for not worshipping a hgher being?
Also, have you ever noticed how atheists target Christianity, depsite the fact that Christianity makes up barely 2/6ths of the world’s population? Why don’t you see them getting after the Hindu people? *rolls eyes*
2/6 is generally agreed to actually be 1/3 or 33.3%. But personally, as an atheist, I look down on all religions equally. I think Christianity just bugs us more because it’s our localized version of crazy. Have a nice day
Actually if you weren’t biased you might noticed that atheists aren’t targeting anyone. They’re just responding to the lies and insults that are thrown in their face regularly.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have rethink my strategy for the war on christmas.
“The big difference here is that Stalin was an actual, real-life atheist whereas the perpetrators of the crusades were not Christians; if they were they wouldn’t have been killing people. ”
Google “No True Scotsman”.
Read carefully.
Never post this BS again.
Did he kill them because they weren’t atheists?
As for your “true Christians”, they don’t exist. If they follow and support the church, they support it’s actions, including protecting pedophiles.
Stalin did not kill because he was atheist.
Hitler did not kill because he was Christian.
Bin Laden did not kill because he is Muslim.
They killed because they were/are assh@les, not because they
adhered to any common religious belief.
In contrast:
Martin Luther King was Baptist.
Gandhi was Hindu.
Watson/Crick & countless other positive contributors were atheists.
They all made positive contributions not because of any common religious belief.
it’s “prove” not “proove”
this was directed towards “breakers”
wow…talk about hate and bigotry….
tolerance FAIL
The whole advantage to being an atheist (as I am) is that you get to party on everyone’s fun holidays with no guilt or responsibilities.
Hear hear! Drinks are on those who buy it!
umm my friend is atheist and he will be like god help me or oh my god
so ya
win
You have stated this as if you believe your atheist friend genuinely believes in the christian deity when he makes such comments.
so ya
FAIL
My friend is a christian, but sometimes when he gets agitated he calls out to Gosh, in clear violation of the First Commandment.
I like that =D
I guess I’m always arguing with someone, then. Fundie Fail, as usual.
That must explain why I don’t watch sports.
Very true. Also older ages tend to find god suddenly….
People at older ages also tend to lose brain function.
Or gain wisdom?
You lose brain cells and functionality at a higher rate as you get older, so, no.
Actually, Lol is correct. You gain wisdom, as well as intelligence and charisma as you age, while strength, dexterity and constitution deteriorate. Unless they changed it for 4e, which wouldn’t surprise me.
Unless you’re one of the 19% of Americans age 75-84 or 42% of Americans aged 85+ with Alzheimer’s disease.
4e is fail. Seriously. I HATED 4th ed. I want my 12 hours (3 sessions) and $29.95 back. Worst… ed… ever.
This is a beautiful geek win, and I respect you for it.
This also leads to the little-known fact that your eyesight actually improves as you age, since sight is a function of Spot, which is a function of wisdom.
studying for the final.
What the heck is an “AthIest?”
It must be a proper noun, to be capitalized so conspicuously.
You mean kinda like how “Christian” or “Agnostic” is capitalized? You’re right, it is a proper noun. Well observed.
Dictionary Dude was obviously pointing out the unfortunate mispelling of athEIst.
That would be miSSpelling…
Only Christian* is capitalised as the root of the word is Christ, whereas agnostic and atheist are not capitalised.
Or capitaliZed. Whatever …
America = z
Other English users = s
this is hysterical. im athiest and i catch myself saying “god help me if i ever….”. its out of social habits and has no meaning behind it. although…i would add to this chart…”puking after the bar.”
EXACTLY.
THIS GUY GET IT.
This chart is not saying all atheists only don’t believe when it suits them. We don’t believe, ever. It’s just habit to swear to god and whatnot. It doesn’t mean anything. The chart is poking fun at habits, not beliefs.
As an atheist, I do use statements like “Thank you, God”, or “God Damn it”, but simply using the word god does nothing to alter my belief system. Graph FAIL.
I agree.
Epic FAIL.
Where is the category “in a foxhole?”
On the other side. Just turn it around and read.
OMG relax everyone, just look at it because its fun!! Oo
You forgot “Girlfriend missed her period”…
the graph would have to go so high you’d lose ability to see the other ones. 99999999999999999999999999999 (+ or – .5)%
So God can make me be not-late for work?
Not if you’re an atheist. God only makes good Christians on time for work. The rest of us have to rely on alarm clocks and personal responsibility… and traffic reports.
Wrong, God helps people that don’t believe in Him too.
Wrong, God doesn’t help anyone, because he’s a fictional character
We’ll see.
The only ones who know for sure are dead.
How suspicious.
The dead don’t know anything, what with them being dead and all. Kind of the definition of being dead is that you no longer exist as a person.
Idiot!
Prove that they cannot function as a person
You cannot, because they can not communicate with you
Science so far suggests that the mind of a dead person just…dissapears,
But science does not know enough about the brain to be certain.
Catch 22 of Atheism vs. Christianity
I would argue that the dead know nothing, since they’re–you know–dead. Having a living, functioning brain is pretty much a requirement for knowing anything.
exactly.
Magic sky daddy is not coming. We are on a life raft floating through space. Quit poking holes in the life raft. Thanks.
LOL… classic
This, paired with changing it to “Atheist asking god for help,” would have been a total win.
you forgot “fox hole”
that’s what i was thinking.
Good gravy, folks.. get the sand out of you vag..
The title of the chart is off, but it’s a funny concept.
I’m agnostic and the day of my final final before my graduation I prayed to every deity I could think of.
Heh. Did any of them answer?
did you get an A?
Actually, I did.
So there is a god for PornStoreChicks… care to tell me which one?
It’s a toos up between Eros and Bacchus.
toss*
I’m not offended I just think this one isn’t funny. It would be funny if it said percent chance an atheist talks to god, still gets the point across, and is less, I dunno, stupid?
not to mention just saying “god” doesn’t mean you believe in the concept.
Quite so, quite so.
Baited, and switched.
Dummies.
My bad, supposed to be replied earlier.
I am 99% atheist and 1% agnostic, however, I did pray 2 times in grad school before an exam in statistics class, just in case.
So your big toe is trying to convince the rest of you that god may exist?
1% agnostic? Sounds like someone’s hedging their bets with Pascal’s Wager.
Hedging one’s bets with Pascal’s Wager would necessitate the positive belief in or lip service to some deity or another.
In gambling terms (let’s use craps terminology) Atheism is betting on the “Don’t Pass” line while a religion which venerates and subscribes to a structured belief in a god or group of gods would be like betting on the “Pass” line.
Agnosticism is like standing at the table, watching other people roll the dice and place their bets without placing a bet of one’s own.
Mods, please move this whole post to Failblog.org, thank
you.
The only thing that I noticed was…”Being followed by Police.” People are afraid of Sting now?
Well, Gordon’s whiny voice and lame lyrics annoy the crap out of me, but I don’t actually run away from him.
(Just kidding, I love Sting.)
I think it’s more a fear of Stewart Copeland
You win.
Hahahaha, this is hilarious.
Anyone who is offended is probably either taking GraphJam way too seriously or should gain a sense of humor about his or her own beliefs… Just sayin’…
It would be funnier if this sort of claim weren’t routinely advanced by apparently serious evangelist-types to try to discredit their ideological opponents.
Imagine a “chances of belonging to an international banking conspiracy by religion” bar graph with five or six at 0% and “Jewish” at 100%, and you have some idea of how this comes off. It’s not funny, and for most of the same reasons.
Actually, I’d find that hysterical, because it’s so ridiclous! Stereotype are generally funny because there is mild truth behind them.
Nobody is trying to discredit anybody! It was a joke! Nothing on this site is ment to be taken seriously. GEEZ.
Man, some of y’all are wound way way way too tightly. People wonder why there is so much hate in the world.. no one can fecking laugh at anything.
LAUGH! IT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!
I didn’t say I was offensive. I said it wasn’t funny. Except in the way Ann Coulter’s funny, maybe.
No offense to you, but you do seem kind of wound up to:
1) Take GJ seriously.
2) Not be able to part with a good laugh over some stereotyping.
Because, really, stereotypes on here are used to be funny from what I’ve seen. I don’t really see much going to way of straight up offensive. We’re just trying to get some laughs out of something that actually has some basis, much like blacks and watermelons or whites and John Deere. It’s just a thing. A funny thing.
Forgot “sees her for first time after forgetting anniversary” (and no, it wasn’t me, and no, god was not able/in the mood to save him)
Or not existing!
chances of an athiest believing in god
in the army about to land in a hot l-z : 200%
Id rather rely in my training, equipment and brothers in arms, were i to land in a “hot LZ”…
As a side note, I never understood why “beleivers” always feel the need to try and turn “non beleivers” into “beleivers”…
Do you get a bonus in paradise like when you play a certain MMO and you get a bonus when inviting a friend over? …
Agreed – if God can haul your ass out of a sling in a war, he could just stop the war.
Chances of atheist actually watching sports: 0%
I second that. I hate sports.
On a side note, doesn’t God have some kids in Africa to take care of or something? Quit wasting his time on ball games.
Atheists don’t watch sports? What?
I better stop, then…
I love sports! Go Ducks, beat the Wings tonight!
THAT would require divine intervention.
Everybody knows that atheists are one of the few groups left that it is still cool to mock. (One of the others is “rednecks”).
Years of political correctness have made it improper to mock other religions (although Islam is coming back into fashion), gays, the physically or mentally handicapped, other races, etc. Just who do bigots have left to target?
Actually, it would be unfair of me to take offence at people mocking atheists, while I still make fun of rednecks and Yanks in general. But then again, I am quite honest about being a hypocrite.
Sad but true. Imagine if you’re a disabled black lesbian atheist – just when you thought things were getting better, you find out you’re still on the receiving end of socially acceptable bigotry.
So much fail here. Seriously do a search on last acceptable group to be made fun of in google. if every group in the world is not listed I’d be surprised. Because people pull that old dustbuster out of the closet evertime they feel insulted. sad both of you.
Do you have anything to contribute, or do you just like the feeling your fingers get when they press random keys? Here’s a hint: Just learn masturbate. In private. It feels better for you and is better for everyone else, too.
This…. pretty much fails royally.
FAIL.
On so many levels.
All about the failboat!
Nope. 0% across the board.
I swear, if this made fun of Christians people would be all up on how it’s the funniest thing since Abbott and Costello.
But if it pokes fun at athiest, (who win at being easily pissed off) suddenly they’ve gone too far!
Likely so, I’m an atheist but I don’t think this went too far.
Personally, I find this to be just dumb, and would think the same if they did the opposite of, “Chances of Christians disbelieving in God”
I take belief as either, “You do, or don’t” and attribute anything like the “Atheist believing” to the use of common phrases, you learn them young, and they stick, it’s highly unlikely that anyone would ACTUALLY spend their time saying, “Oh please chances and random events of the universe, help me” when the same point comes across with, “Oh God, help me”
means the same thing, to different people, just like this is funny to some, offensive to others, or just boring to people like myself.
I think you’re putting too much thought into something so insignificant.
More than likely, my brain wanders when I’m tired.
I don’t care about any of that stuff you just said. It’s just a double standard is all.
I know that your first paragraph was complete sarcasm, but what if you replaced ‘Christian’ in the first paragraph? We are a minority, right?
I think it’s about 0.5 – 2.2 % of the National US Population and about 2.5% of the National Canadian Population. That’s a minority, right?
Also, if people make this much noise over a graph, I can imagine how much was caused over South Park episodes…
Actually, it was not the most recent former president Bush, it was Bush 1, George H. W. Bush.
Am I the only atheist who thinks this graph is actually quite funny??? Come on!
I kinda thought it was funny, for a moment, then found it boring, but definitely nothing to get offended over. Some people are just wound too tight.
It is funny. The atheists getting wound up are usually the smart but bitter ones who can’t understand how believers fail so hard at seeing their own illogical position (i.e. “prove God isn’t real”). Some of us can just let it go and watch the funny.
I just worry for our gullible species…
Do you believe in the Invisible Pink Unicorn? If not, then you’d better prove to me that She does not exist. If you can’t, then I can only say that your decision to not believe in Her is illogical.
It was so-so – paled in comparison to how offended people on both sides of the fence seem to be.
I smell religious arguments, oh goodie! My favorite kind! *gets the popcorn*
Contradictio in terminis
+ fail in typo
You know you’re wasting good debate terms on the unwashed masses…
Right?
I am a devout Catholic and on the funny scale this one is maybe a 3.5 out of 10 mostly because its an old joke. But I knew as soon as I saw this one the commentary would be most enlightening! And I was not disappointed.
The joke is that the author clearly understands the nature of an atheist. So its no wonder that some who do not believe take offense. But please, I have taken every kind of joke, slur, cuss-word, even being physically threatened for what I beleive. Hey, I believe the Lord works in myseterious ways. If this graph was meant only to bring up a discussion then mission accomplished.
Just so you atheists know, Catholics believe even those who claim not too believe yet lead a good life anyway can still enter the kingdom of heaven! So you got that going for ya!
And if it turns out that Islam is right, then all the Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, Scientologists, atheists, Hindus, pagans and everyone else are going straight to hell. Why does each religious person think their religion is right? It’s a shame there’s no afterlife, I’d love to see the look on the religious folk’s faces when they find out they wasted their lives following ancient works of fiction! “Hey, where’s Jebus? Awww, it wasn’t true! All that sodomy from the Catholic priest, and now no heaven? What a waste of my life!”
Actually, in Islam, Christians and Jewish will also go to heaven because they are ‘People of the Book’.
Sweet!
See, I was just being a good person because it helps out humanity as a whole, because I’m a secular humanist, but now I get a prize after I’m dead?? Awesome!!
The Celestial Raffle is awesome. If Manitou pulls a 4 out of Amaterasu’s hat, you win big earnings and a widescreen.
As for the Catholics, I’m cool with anybody who is cool with me. If I can go to your heaven after I die, you can try out my nirvana.
You forgot one
Real athiest in any situation: 0%
well, sport has never made me believe in god, but certainly provides evidence for the absence of god many times
I’m from Cincinnati…
Look at our sports teams…
I think it provides evidence FOR God.
He’s punishing us for gay people.
Religions are fairy tales for grown up, PLEASE stop trying to sell your salads to the uninterested persons, thank you.
This atheist got a giggle.
Looks more like a graph of really good cell phone reception
[img]http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nihilism.png[/img]
Yeah, but the guy with the beret – Then one that agrees that there is no god – Starts eating random lugnuts hoping for one of them to be a scone.
Make of that what you will.
I’m an atheist and I just thought this graph was missing one bar:
during sex – 90%
ROFL @ the athiests…. most of ‘em are so bitter/up-tight/arrogant/denial/etc..
And it shows in the comments here. lawl
You misspelled ‘theists’ by putting an ‘a’ in front of it. I’m no grammar Nazi (the Nazis, of course, were devout Christians), but ‘atheist’ is a word. Of course, you might have actually meant to type ‘atheist’. But then, that just shows what an ignorant, uneducated, retarded, mentally-ill person you are. May the gods strike me down if I’m wrong. Oh wait. I’m still here. Hey, that must mean there is no beardy man in the sky after all!
So, most religitards reckon the Abrahamic god created man in his own image. Can someone explain to my why god needs eyes, legs, and the rest of the human form? What with him supposedly being omniscient and omnipotent. Having form of anyone one kind is redundant. Especially having reproductive organs, I mean, who’s he supposed to reproduce with?
You American Christians are hilarious. You think religion is good. You also think having guns is good. Why don’t you all get closer to your god by blowing your pathetically small brains out? Plenty of other cults do it. Unless you’re actually too scared because deep down, you don’t really believe that there’s any reward waiting for you after you die. Maybe you think that there is a god and he’ll be pretty pissed off when he sees how hypocritical you are, how many wars you’ve started, how badly you treat people and how much suffering you’ve brought to the world.
We can cure all the world’s problems by DESTROYING RELIGION AND THE RELIGIOUS.
lol.. you kind of proved his point by going ballistic…
Well, I just think any arrogant tosser religitard who thinks atheists are in denial is just too stupid to not go ballistic at. I hate religitards. Why do they refuse to even try to understand reality?
Keep going and your going to end up like Mr./Mrs. Garrison in South Park.
I don’t remember starting any wars… i don’t think i’m hypocritical…
I’m not “religious.” I’m not atheist.
I’m a thinking American. And if there’s one thing we learned on November 4, we’re running low on those.
I don’t treat people badly, and I don’t believe i’ve brought any more suffering than anyone else.
Um, dude…out of one corner of your mouth, you blame us for starting wars, then out of the other corner of your mouth, you propose we destroy the religious?
As some have said, the graph is lame, mainly because the point it is trying to make is old and unoriginal, as it plays on the old ‘atheists in foxeholes’ theme.
It is also very slightly offensive in that it suggests that atheism is an untenable position, based on a combination of a) that in times of dire straits faith supposedly is a consolation to anybody (which it is no more to an atheist than sacrificing a younger sibling is to most christians nowadays) and b) that the cultural trait of using a figure of speech conveys any inner convictions (in the context of which it is funny to note that the Spanish term for ‘hopefully’ is ojala – may Allah permit – which would imply that any Spanish speaker is a secret Muslim). There is also a bit of Pascal’s wager in there, but Pascal’s wager is stupid because it does not include the great Juju of the mountain, wich is obviously the one important deity, so that after you die you will be banished to a place where water and wind will slowly and painfully wear you away for all eternity.
That said, the ensuing discussion is even more disappointing.
What are the odds of a dyslexic “athiest” believing in Dog?
I’d say about the same as you getting some sensitivity.
The watching sports part is way wrong. Most Atheists don’t bother with sports.
I’m one of the few exceptions,even though some Agnostics will admit to watching Baseball.
lol
well when I forget to study for something or if I’m running late, I’m not gonna rely on the main character of a book to help me out =p
hey, Holden Caufield has gotten me out of a lot of jams, alright?
Uh, where’s “during intercourse”?
Sure someone already mentioned, but as a full-blown Atheist, I transform into a “full blown” preacher during sex. Just not the Catholic type, mind you…
He-he-hallelujah!
In a Foxhole?
There are no atheists in foxholes.
Exactly.
They’re all stuck behind desks in the HQ, giving out the orders.
HAHAHAHAHA =D
I second this win.
Children. Please, calm down.
For all of you Atheists: It is no use arguing you’re point here, no matter how correct or undeniable the logic is. The internet is full of some really foolish people who still hold childish beliefs about god/heaven/hell. It helps them sleep at night and that is perfectly ok.
The point of Atheism is not to evangelize. Atheism is a personal decision that only the few, enlightened, people ever reach. The point of Atheism is to laugh in someones face when they begin to go off about god and walk away secure in the knowledge that they are wasting their time.
All you Religious types: Lay off the heathens. They can’t hurt you, despite what you may think. I bet you’d find that if you keep your mouth shut about your beliefs, Atheists would keep quiet too.
Just a little advice. Now you can all go back to fighting and start mocking this post.
correction.
Second Sentence.
It should be “your” not “you’re”
A life. You need one.
Predictable.
This is totally wrong. None of these apply to me.
There are only three times I “believe” in god.
Sex, pain, and when I a fancy car parked under a telephone wire with birds on it.
I would change it to “when a fancy car is parked under a work crew cutting down trees”. Bird crap can wash off. A big smashed in roof of a car takes a little longer to fix up.
I’ve noticed a bit of a margin-of-error in this graph. At least in my case, the results would be 0% for every activity.
Additionally, maybe it’s just me, but if you substituted the Y axis from “Percent chance of believing in god” with “frequency of occurrence” it would remarkably be 0% across the board. Coincidence? I wonder.
But then, you’re just taking something that’s funny way too seriously. You don’t really think all of the GJ graphs are meant to be “serious business”, do you? Just think – I know several atheists that say “God”-this-or-that, and not in a way that implies they actually believe in God by any means. The graph’s use of “believing in God” isn’t literally that person’s just belief, just how often they may say something with God in the statement. Yanno?
guys. this is a JOKE.
Atheists, if you want to be taken seriously, argue with someone who’s serious, not a seventeen year old kid who was bored in study hall.
I’m an atheist and I find this funny. Even though I don’t actually do what the graph represents, I find it can be true for some people. You have to learn to laugh at yourself in all aspects, including your religion.
Correction, sorry
…laugh at yourself in all aspects, Including your religious beliefs, or lack there of.
I would like to clarify that God, Mary and Jesus are now expletives, making most of the bible grammatically incoherent.
Persecution complex?
Mean jokes suddenly aren’t funny anymore when they’re directed at you, huh?
Wow, and we Catholics are supposed to have no sense of humor. Religious people as a whole may be stuck-up, but how are you any better by using words like “religitard”?
it is spelled Atheist. as in A- Theism.
I feel silly for not realizing that when i made it…
All the more reason that this is not to be taken seriously, nor is this a forum for (a)theological discussion.
I just noticed, but your name sounds like dénouement.
We should respect eachother’s beliefs, and under that fake pretense, let’s unpack “belief,” shall we?
Is not the sky blue prior to one’s belief that it is so, or according to it? The sky is effing blue. We are obliged by evidence, and subsequently, obliged by lack of it as well. There is no moment of choice, i.e., “belief.” It is blue, unless you are a lunatic.
I respectfully decline to believe in “beliefs”.
*Trips and lands on face*
Dang you Gravity! I don’t believe in you, and yet I feel so heavy!
lol.
Wow you guys. Way to start a rediculously pointless argument based on a joke graph.
I think what this graph is pointing out is that there are plenty of people out there who dont claim a faith in God, but will hope that he’s out there and on their side when they need him.
And by the way guys, if you can’t suck up a bit of criticism, don’t dish it out.
Pointless, sure, but hey what else do we have to do, right?
As an atheist i wasn’t offended by the graph or anything (you gotta try a lot harder than that to hurt my feelings), i just think it’s an inaccurate (and therefore, to me, unfunny) portrayal of atheism. To me it’s kinda like saying christians only believe in God to ask Him for favors, and curse His name or abandon their faith when things go against them. Some christians might get angry at the sweeping generalization i just made about their religion, and perhaps go so far as to post a comment saying what a jack-ass i am. Many, i’m sure, would simply move on. But what’s the fun in that? I love debating this sh|t. I’m just using christians as an example here, not trying to beat up on any one religion. They’re all a pointless waste of time in my book.
Anyway, my point is, the graph wasn’t that funny in the first place, so
In terms of criticism, I can handle criticism of my beliefs (or lack there-of) just fine. Just don’t expect me not to counter your argument with one of my own. Yeah, there are a lot of people here who go off the handle when someone dares question their beliefs, both religious and non-religious. I think we can agree that getting all worked up over it is just plain silly, but there’s nothing wrong with a little spirited religious debate. Just try to keep the eye-gouging to a minimum.
Or not, it’s all good,
Oh.. well thats a shame that you dont get the joke. It really was quite funny.
And if you read between the lines it also could be a bit of fun poked at casual christians.. of which I think there are many, who don’t really believe in God unless they need or want something from him.
Either way, it’s a funny point.
Sorry you dont get it!
No, i get it (it’s not really that complicated), just don’t really find it amusing. I look at this graph and i say, “Meh”. I think you have a good point by applying the joke to casual christians, which in my humble opinion would be funnier and make more sense. But that’s just one man’s opinion. In fact, aside from debating atheism, i heartily enjoy a discussion on what exactly makes a thing funny, or unfunny.
Just to recap, an atheist’s chances of believing in God: 0.00% across the board, barring some kind of born-again christian conversion (the very idea scares teh living crap outta me).
Okay, i’ve beaten this dead horse enough, time to move on. Rambling..
I think if you truly got it, you’d find it funny.
To assume all atheists are unwavering in their thoughts is about as niave as you can get though – there’s plenty of people who’ve changed from atheist to a faith and from faith to atheism. So I’d say this graph is not far off, if quite a bit overenthusiastic with percentages, from the truth of the matter.
There’s athy, athier, and athiest. Haha.
I think this would be funnier if it was Christians and not Atheists. Just sayin.
In the end (of your lives) the Christians WIN. Because they will live forever in heaven and watch everyone else go to hell. No pleasure taken in this because a lot people we know who will end up in hell are friends and family, just an objective non emotional fact.
And the poor wanna be right (or left) Atheist, depending on how you feel will FAIL.
Even if it were possible that the Atheist was right, they could not prove it to the Christian, because everybody will cease to exist.
Of course when you think about it. If Atheism is true, there is no moral absolute (right or wrong). And since there is no right or wrong, Then the Christian belief is relative as well as the belief of the Atheist. They could
not be either right or wrong. Neither is murder, stealing, lying, raping, envying, etc. Its all relative to the evolving nature of you and your culture. If culture by consensus changes their view on who lives or dies then the value of life is subjected to a new definition whether you except it as truth or not.
For you (the atheist) culture is your god, a god that is molded into what ever you want to be. DANGEROUS.
For us (the Christian) Jesus is God, and his values do not change. They are true no matter how human culture changes. They are rocks, a firm foundation.
For those who struggle with the concept of God. Think of God as an Architect or an Engineer.
What Architect or Engineer does not plan and prepare a design for structure before they implement their creations? When they finish their projects are not they mature designs made in the likeness of their plans?
That was the most convoluted rant I could have possibly expected on this page… That manifesto was so full of logical fallacies I have no idea where to start breaking it down. Logic Fail.
Its Philosophy!!! I’ll keep it simple and logical for your understanding with one question. Who determines Right and Wrong?
The needs of the many come before the needs of the few. Ergo, morals could be considered a self-implemented construct that gauges the impact of one’s actions on those around him or her.
So who determines right or wrong? The individual; not a dogmatic institution.
As I said, “Its all relative to the evolving nature of you and your culture.” If you determine morality it is subjected to change just like the wind. You should not tell anyone that what they are doing is right or wrong because their view of right and wrong could be different from yours.
Shaky ground you chose for yourself, not even considering the consequences for existential beliefs (making it up as you go).
The truth is this, most people especially in America have had some sort of Christian influence through values that have been passed on through generation to generation. Individuals have chosen to live by some of these values because they have proven by experience to sustain life and produce liberty. Even though they reject the person who gave the values of their lives. Values such as thou shalt not steal, murder, bear false witness (lying), coveting (envying), Oh and I don’t want to forget about honoring your parents (respecting authority). You know the basics often taken as common sense.
Not a Logic Fail, but a Logic WIN.
I have faith that you dumb f*cks are an accident.
I know this graph is intended to be satirical, but it’s a bit offensive to those who adhere to the practices it mocks. “Chances of an Athiest believing in God”? If an atheist believed in God, then by definition, they would not be an atheist. So the chances for that are about zero. Also, in the word “atheist”, the e goes before the i. Doesn’t really help me think that the creator is all that intelligent.
I’M THE MOST ATHIESTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!! and LOL
I think you misunderstand the concept of an atheist.
i’m a satanist, and now i’m chopped liver. why are atheists more prone to believe in god during these instances rather than lucifer? wtf.